I do not want to be an additional reason for anyone to mock my Christ.

First, let me say this. The Internet is AMAZING. Of course, even with all those effects, that still is an understatement (Come on Sarah, we're living in the Digital Age! Of course we know that.)

But why do I start this post with such a statement? Well, simply because I stumbled on the amazing first six essays from Anne Jackson's  "Permission to Speak Freely" book on the internet. The book is just free form the press and I would never have had the chance to read such essays were it not for The Net. How empowering. Also, I was able to find some really though-provoking sites and organizations I never even knew existed in the internet... such as xxxchurch.com (more in this later, promise). Side note: Sometimes, I wonder if my extensive browsing, even in the "Safe Website Arena" (safe AND wholesome, mind you) wouldn't get me in trouble.

Anne Jackson's second essay was up on Jon Acuff's SCL site yesterday (http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/08/3601/), and from there, I tracked all seven essays. The essays were actually Jackson's narratives about her life as PK and her families' very painful experiences in various churches.

Here is an excerpt (you really should check that link up there):

"When I was sixteen, my family was at the last church my dad would ever pastor. It was in the booming town of Abilene, Texas. We had lived there around three—maybe four—years, and the inevitable mess of real life began to take its toll. People began to show who they really were, complaining about this or demanding that, and justifying their actions with “for the Bible tells me so,” or “My daddy laid the foundation of this church,” the latter statement carrying more weight than the former.

My dad, who was the senior pastor at this church, was passionate about caring for people who are far from faith. Because he believed everyone in the church should participate in helping others, he taught classes coaching people on why we should be concerned for our community and how to love people when they are going through a difficult time.

However, most people at this particular church had been members for life. Nobody had ever asked them to step out of their pews before. To them, you went to church three times a week, and that was how you found Jesus and built your mansion up in heaven. My dad was the one getting paid to care for people. Why in the world would he ask them to do the same without getting paid for it?

His challenging the status quo did not sit well with some of the congregation. After a few months of tension and secret meetings, my dad was asked to resign his position at one of the church’s monthly business meetings.
And they didn’t ask kindly either. An avalanche of insults and lies tumbled down on my family and on another pastor in the church who supported my dad."


Those essays to me were amazingly horrifying. AMAZINGLY HORRIFYING. And again, for emphasis, let me say that that is a mere understatement. My heart ached for her, even as my mind reeled in unbelief. Could there really be such "Christians"?


Then I stumbled on xxxChurch.com, which initally really FREAKED me out (be honest, I know you are too!). I was like, is this some pseudo-Christian cult? But then I surmised, from the way it was being endorsed by other Christian websites, then it really must be Christian. Upon further investigation, I found out that xxxChurch is a Christian organization with the queer ministry for folks with problems with pornography, and other sins of a sexual nature.

Even more shocking to me than discovering that such an organization exists is the fact that one of their staff took his own life. Apparently the reason why he did it was because he could no longer endure the guilt and frustration he had over the "sexual" sins he committed. Many people are apt to judge, for one, his salvation, but I do not wish to. I do not wish to cast stones. No.

Reading and learning all these things and discovering these sites opened my eyes to the reality of sin IN the church; that Chrstians are struggling just as much,or probably even more, than those who are not.

But didn't Christ have victory over all sin already?

Moreover, all these taught me that while sin and Satan are far less powerful than God, they should never be downplayed, especially by the Christian who is ever the Enemy's target.

And I was warned to live carefully, always obeying intentionally, and not providing an opening for the Enemy. If anything, my resolve to live right in the eyes of God was deepened.

I do not want to reach the point of such despair and guilt and shame that the only alternative would be to take my own life.

I do not want to cause anyone to stumble.

I do not want to be an additional reason for anyone to mock my Christ.