Ngayon lang ulit ako magsusulat sa wikang Filipino. Nakakahiya, kasi parang pangkalye lang ang Tagalog na alam ko; mas bihasa pa ako sa wikang Ingles. Siguro hindi na ito kagulat-gulat, lalo na sa henerasyon ngayon kung saan ang Ingles ay lalong binibigyan ng importansya dahil nga daw sa globalisasyon. Ang gusto ko lang naman sabihin (bago pa ako lumihis sa nais ko talagang ibahagi sa inyo) ay hindi ko na maaaring ipagpalipas pa ang pagsasanay sa panunulat sa Tagalog. Kasi naman eh. May 'Kasyon diyes ako. Hindi ...cation, kundi ...kasyon. Suma tutal, kinakailangan ko nang hasain ang sarili ko sa pagtaTagalog dahil kung hindi, napakalaki ng posibilidad na bumagsak ako sa kursong nabanggit ko kanina lang.
Pero hindi talaga 'yan ang gusto kong ibahagi! Ang gusto kong ibahagi ay tungkol sa...
Paghanga. Sa Ingles, "crush". (Tandaan, paghanga / crush lang ito, at hindi pa pag-ibig ha.)
Hindi ako madaling mapahanga. Madalas, humahanga ako kapag ang isang lalaki ay may angking talento, talino, o namumukod-tanging katangian. Kaya nga hangang hanga ako sa mga kapatid nating napakahusay tumugtog ng gitara, drums, keyboard, violin, etc. O kaya 'yung may mga angking talento sa pag-awit. O kaya 'yung mga napakatalino. O 'yung may hitsura. At aaminin ko, madalas ay pinakamadali akong napapahanga sa pisikal na aspeto pa lang.
Kaya nga matagal bago ako magkaroon ulit ng crush. Kasi, to quote my friend, "...ang taas taas ng standards..." ko. Eh kasi naman, 'yun ang turo sa'kin. Palagay ko, tama naman 'yun. Siyempre dumating ako sa puntong parang hindi na yata matutupad ang aking mga pamantayan, na parang imposible yatang makahanap ng hahangaan na Kristyano din.
(Sasabihin ko 'to sa Ingles dahil hindi ko alam kung pa'no sabihin sa Tagalog:)
Until now. Dahil humahanga ulit ako! (yay!) Eh sa gwapo siya eh. Matalino pa (sabi nila). Magaling rin tumugtog ng gitara. Mabait. At hindi lang basta-bastang Kristyano.
Pero isang linggo na ang nakalilipas mula nang una ko siyang masilayan. At kahit gaano pa ako kahibang sa kanya, hindi ko naman maaaring isantabi ang mga iba ko pang responsibilidad. Hinding hindi ko rin maaaring itaya ang aking mga paniniwala kahit na isa akong romantikong tao na nangangarap na suyuin balang araw ng lalaking mamahalin ko habambuhay.
Nakakatuwa lang, simula nang makilala ko siya, sari-saring mga tao (mga kaibigan at ka-church) ang biglang naghandog ng mga payo tungkol sa pag-ibig. May isa pa ngang nagkwento kung paano niya ipinanalangin ang lalaking ngayon ay asawa na niya. Ang nakakatuwa, hindi lahat sila ay alam ang pinagdadaanan ko ngayon. :)
Bakit ko nga isinulat ito? Isinulat ko ito dahil gusto kong ihayag ang aking mga nararamdaman kahit sa huling pagkakataon (sana). Kasabay ng pagbitiw ko ng mga salitang ito ay ang pagbitiw ko ng kahit anong pantasya na balang araw ay magiging kami. Bakit hindi, ang ilan sa inyo ay magtatanong. Posible namang magkatuluyan kami, kung iyon ang ninanais ni Lord, pero kung hindi naman, eh ako lang din naman ang masasaktan 'di ba? Kapag kasi ako nagka-crush, malalim. Kaya nga minsan napagkakamalan ko siyang pag-ibig, kahit hindi naman. Malalim ang aking mga emosyon at lumilipad na sa hinaharap ang aking utak. Oo, baliw. Eh ganun ako magka-crush eh. Hindi lang ako nagkaka-crush for the sake of kilig. Iniisip ko na ang kinabukasan... na kasama siya.
Lilinawin ko lang, hinahangaan ko pa rin siya, at patuloy na hahangaan hanggang -- siguro, hanggang mapuno ng ibang bagay ang utak ko at malimutan siya. Hinangaan ko pa rin siya, pero simula ngayon, ang lahat ay isasangguni ko na kay Lord. Lahat lahat lahat.
Ang ilan sa inyo ay natutuwa matapos itong basahin, ang ilan ay naiinis, ang iba siguro ay nag-aalala. Huwag po kayong mag-alala. Muli, isang paghanga lang po ito. Babae pa rin naman ako, na may 50% more romantic element sa kanyang pagkatao.
Bakit ko kayo ni-tag? Pananagutan. Sa Ingles, accountability. I want accountability. :) Ikakalulugod ko kapag ako ay inyong tinanong sa aspetong ito, kahit na minsan iisipin kong sana ay hindi ninyo ako pakialaman.
Mahal ko kayo. :)
About Me
- SarahGee
- La Trinidad, Benguet, Philippines
- My life is a symphony, albeit unfinished, by the great Composer who first wrote me into being - note by note, rest by rest, determining even the rhythm, tempo and mood. No other One could possibly play me into perfection.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
PMA LTI Spice (7 Reasons Why I Loved Today and Yesterday)
If you check my recent FB statuses, you might correctly guess that I am, at this point, at the height of emotion -- joy and a very pleasurable fulfillment. I just arrived home earlier this afternoon from a Leadership Training Institute (LTI) hosted by PMACF, attended by PMA cadets and several civilians. This is despite the fact that I joined them only on the last two days of the LTI.
(Before I go any further... Yes, Orly. I couldn't help myself. See, I blogged about it right today. haha!)
So why this blog / note? Well, I just feel the need to justify myself because of this half-correct notion of why I immensely enjoyed yesterday and today at the LTI. Haha. Because contrary to Jude's, Josh's and everyone's belief, I didn't just enjoy this just because of THAT reason (and I would REALLY appreciate it if we all don't name names :D).
Allow me to share the 5 Reasons Why I Loved Today and Yesterday:
1) I was invited to teach 3 consecutive messages in the Basic Level. It probably won't hurt to tell now, but preparing for those messages was a struggle. I've only taught one message before, and I just felt that these messages - which were, coincidentally, about the Holy Spirit - were way too big for me. I had half a mind to back out of the teaching assignment. Of course, we do not depend on feelings. I'm glad I didn't. My teaching sessions turned out well and my students (hurray Basic!) were sooo responsive and attentive. In retrospect, I don't think I've had this much fun in all my fairly limited NLT Teaching experiences.
2) Because this LTI was PMACF-sponsored, most of the delegates were cadets. Although I really appreciated these cadets (more of this letter), I just loved the fact that Crus from SLU and La Union were here too! Especially the La Union peeps. I am really encouraged by their dedication and desire to be trained. Hurray for you guys.
3) I had planned to stay only until 1730 (ahem! time check), but ended up helping out with the Commitment Night. Tediously wrapping up those ropes around the trees up the hill to form a rope trail and tripping on twigs and roots on the process wasn't half as fun as the actual Commitment program. You may have guessed already that delegates were to climb up the hill blindfolded, with only the rope to guide them to the top. I was given the all-important job of leading blindfolded delegates from the end of the rope to their seats surrounding the bonfire, which was prepared on top of the hill.
4) I think we stayed up until 12 midnight last night just talking and laughing with the staff and cadets. Which was a wonder in itself for me, because I honestly initially thought that these cadets always, always dripped of sobriety, seriousness, stiffness and solemnity. Pretty much of a hasty generalization, yes. But I stood corrected last night. Once we finally got them talking, there was almost no end to it, and we learned more of them. For instance, Angie is the first cadet I know who has just about the same personality as ate Coco (yes, the ate Coco). And there were these really cool, great guys who humored us by teaching us about some PMA jargon and culture (did you know cadets were supposed to speak to any of their superiors in English?)
5) This morning, we went out for Witnessing Blitz at a cemetery near the LTI venue. Cadets were paired with civis. Each person was handed five 4SLs (that's 10 per pair) and were given one and a half hour to share them all. And the results were just amazing. The Basic people really rocked it out! -- most of them were able to share all five of them and more. What really amazed me was that the really eager beavers were the cadets. I already had my mind set to the other way around. It was just immensely refreshing to see them so fired up to share the gospel. Some of them even joked about using their authority to share to their underclassmen (you know how upperclassmen are sooo respected).
6) I loved working with all the LTI staff. They were all just great. You really are talented, smart, and wickedly OH SOME people. :D
7) Lastly, I loved today and yesterday because well, this was my first time attending / participating / watching a PMA LTI. And you know how first times are almost always magical.
So you see, my friends, it's not just about THAT. haha. As ate Crista put it, it was but "...a little spice..." I enjoyed everything.
I have absolutely no regrets spending my yesterday and today like this.
Oh, there is one thing I do regret. I regret not coming earlier because I WASN'T ABLE TO WATCH AND HEAR JUDE RAP.
(Before I go any further... Yes, Orly. I couldn't help myself. See, I blogged about it right today. haha!)
So why this blog / note? Well, I just feel the need to justify myself because of this half-correct notion of why I immensely enjoyed yesterday and today at the LTI. Haha. Because contrary to Jude's, Josh's and everyone's belief, I didn't just enjoy this just because of THAT reason (and I would REALLY appreciate it if we all don't name names :D).
Allow me to share the 5 Reasons Why I Loved Today and Yesterday:
1) I was invited to teach 3 consecutive messages in the Basic Level. It probably won't hurt to tell now, but preparing for those messages was a struggle. I've only taught one message before, and I just felt that these messages - which were, coincidentally, about the Holy Spirit - were way too big for me. I had half a mind to back out of the teaching assignment. Of course, we do not depend on feelings. I'm glad I didn't. My teaching sessions turned out well and my students (hurray Basic!) were sooo responsive and attentive. In retrospect, I don't think I've had this much fun in all my fairly limited NLT Teaching experiences.
2) Because this LTI was PMACF-sponsored, most of the delegates were cadets. Although I really appreciated these cadets (more of this letter), I just loved the fact that Crus from SLU and La Union were here too! Especially the La Union peeps. I am really encouraged by their dedication and desire to be trained. Hurray for you guys.
3) I had planned to stay only until 1730 (ahem! time check), but ended up helping out with the Commitment Night. Tediously wrapping up those ropes around the trees up the hill to form a rope trail and tripping on twigs and roots on the process wasn't half as fun as the actual Commitment program. You may have guessed already that delegates were to climb up the hill blindfolded, with only the rope to guide them to the top. I was given the all-important job of leading blindfolded delegates from the end of the rope to their seats surrounding the bonfire, which was prepared on top of the hill.
4) I think we stayed up until 12 midnight last night just talking and laughing with the staff and cadets. Which was a wonder in itself for me, because I honestly initially thought that these cadets always, always dripped of sobriety, seriousness, stiffness and solemnity. Pretty much of a hasty generalization, yes. But I stood corrected last night. Once we finally got them talking, there was almost no end to it, and we learned more of them. For instance, Angie is the first cadet I know who has just about the same personality as ate Coco (yes, the ate Coco). And there were these really cool, great guys who humored us by teaching us about some PMA jargon and culture (did you know cadets were supposed to speak to any of their superiors in English?)
5) This morning, we went out for Witnessing Blitz at a cemetery near the LTI venue. Cadets were paired with civis. Each person was handed five 4SLs (that's 10 per pair) and were given one and a half hour to share them all. And the results were just amazing. The Basic people really rocked it out! -- most of them were able to share all five of them and more. What really amazed me was that the really eager beavers were the cadets. I already had my mind set to the other way around. It was just immensely refreshing to see them so fired up to share the gospel. Some of them even joked about using their authority to share to their underclassmen (you know how upperclassmen are sooo respected).
6) I loved working with all the LTI staff. They were all just great. You really are talented, smart, and wickedly OH SOME people. :D
7) Lastly, I loved today and yesterday because well, this was my first time attending / participating / watching a PMA LTI. And you know how first times are almost always magical.
So you see, my friends, it's not just about THAT. haha. As ate Crista put it, it was but "...a little spice..." I enjoyed everything.
I have absolutely no regrets spending my yesterday and today like this.
Oh, there is one thing I do regret. I regret not coming earlier because I WASN'T ABLE TO WATCH AND HEAR JUDE RAP.
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